Friday, 27 December 2013

Pretty Personal: About Age Gap Dating

A little while ago I wrote that I wanted this blog to be about more than just beauty products and that I had a wish to share a bit more about myself. You, my readers, said you'd like me to share more personal stuff too, so here we go.

Let's talk about something I get a lot of questions about, my relationship with my boyfriend, Mike.

As you might have read on here, I left my home and moved to Wales because I had fallen in love and we wanted to be together.

What you might not know is that there's quite an age gap between us; one of seventeen years. I'll let that sink in for a bit. Yep, my boyfriend was a teenager before I was even born.

Many people find this a bit shocking, so I tend to get a lot of questions about it. That's alright, I can see that it's unusual and that people are curious. I don't mind the questions, but it hardly happens that I get the time to write my thoughts down properly like this.

Mike and I didn't mean to fall in love, in fact, we were just good friends for quite a long time. We chatted every day on Skype and played games together with other friends for months. Eventually the bond between us became so strong that we couldn't fool ourselves into thinking we were friends any longer, but I thought that he didn't like me that way and he thought the same, so it still took a while for us to confess our feelings. Once I realised I had fallen for him the age difference didn't even cross my mind anymore, we had been friends for a while already after all and I knew that we already cared for each other deeply.

In time, we did confess our feelings and we delighted in knowing that we felt about each other the same way, and that's where it hit me like a ton of bricks. How was I going to explain to my family and friends that I had fallen for someone so much older than me? Were they going to understand? Was I going to get typical worried reactions from people and having them think I'd lost the plot?

Luckily, my friends and family know me very well and they knew him a bit already anyway because he was an internet friend that I talked about regularly, so I really hadn't needed to be worried.

People that knew us both were extremely pleased for us and happy that we were 'finally' together (they had seen it coming a mile off) and people that didn't know him and are close to me were a bit apprehensive but still happy for me. I think it's because people know that I'm a good judge of character, and that I wasn't going to run off and do anything stupid with someone who would take advantage of me.

We're now a little bit over two years in the relationship and things are still going well. We're still in love and we are still very compatible. I often get asked questions about why it works and I've thought about it a lot, so here are the answers.

Even though there's a significant age difference, we are currently in the same stage of life. 

Sure, I'm still studying and he's working full-time, but what I'm trying to say is that we currently want the same things in life. For instance, if Maggie and Anne have a relationship and there's an age gap of ten years with Anne being 33 and Maggie being 22, there's a risk of them being at different stages in life.

If Maggie wants to party with her friends from uni three times a week and is saving up for a year of travelling around the world, it's not going to work if Anne has done all that stuff ten years ago and is now ready to settle down and start a family, buy a house and all that.

Being at different stages in life and wanting different things from life can cause a lot of friction and it will likely make you less compatible. What if Anne doesn't want to wait ten years for Maggie to get the partying out of her system and finally be ready for the stuff that Anne wants from life?

Mike and I are compatible because we're at the same stage in life. I like going out sometimes, but I'm not a party animal and neither am I planning on traveling across the globe. Conversely, Mike isn't planning on buying a house or settling down any time soon. We are both at a 'we both want the same things in the future, let's see what happens' stage that suits us just fine.

The same reason everyone else's relationship works.

What can I say y'know, our personalities just click. We are good together the same way other people are good together, because our individual flaws and shortcomings and wonderfulness just meshes together in a way that's right for us. Our differences make us laugh and the things we agree on makes us smile. I fell in love with this amazing man who magically felt about me exactly that very same way and it's true what people say; you just forget about the age.

But, aren't you afraid he's going to die way before you do?

This is the question I get asked the most. And to be honest, yes, I used to be afraid of this. It still makes me sad sometimes. But then again, would I trade 30, 20 or even just 10 years with him for a lifetime with someone else?

No, of course not.

I'd rather have the time that I have and spend it with him, you never know what happens. If everything goes well we might be together for a very long time, but keep in mind that it's also very well possible that he might lose me first. The risk of losing the one you love is always there, you just get your nose rubbed in it quite a bit more with age gaps like this.

I want to be with him until the stars go out, but I don't mind settling for every moment on the way.


  1. Mooi geschreven en goed dat je dit aankaart! Ik ben het er helemaal mee eens, zolang jij kunt beoordelen of iemand goed bij je past maakt het niet uit of diegene ouder is. Ik wens jullie veel geluk samen :)

  2. Aw dankjewel Laurien, lief!

  3. Nu heb ik eindelijk een manier om het leeftijdsverschil in mijn relatie goed onder woorden te kunnen brengen! Dank!

  4. I love that you chose a homosexual couple as your example. =)

  5. It were the first names that popped into my head haha, thanks!

  6. Wat heb je dit mooi geschreven zeg, erg leuk om te lezen! En ik begrijp helemaal dt je benadrukt, in echte liefde maakt leeftijd niet uit. Ik ben benieuwd naar nog meer persoonlijke artikelen, bijvoorbeeld hoe het bevalt om in een ander land te wonen?

  7. Aww dankjewel zeg! Toevallig zat ik vandaag nog te denken over wat ik kon doen voor nog een persoonlijk artikel, nu weet ik waar ik het over ga doen, dankjewel! haha.